Developing Self Esteem in Girls

In this technological world where we are getting more and more separated from each other and nature, it is even more vital for our minds and bodies to connect in nature within a community of others.  I think this is why we are seeing more and more retreats, camps, and outfitters with an eco-tourism and personal development component.

For the past 13 years I’ve had the privilege of running an all girls surf camp every summer, as well as a year around surf school for girls and guys.  We’ve had hundreds of teen girls attend from around the world at our little oceanfront cabin facility on Maui’s west shore.   There’s been one common thread through the years — girls really thrive in and out of the ocean when they are surrounded by other girls and female mentors.   They are thirsty for self expression, self reflection, and self confidence.  Peer and mentor acceptance are also vital in developing their strengths and unique qualities.  Especially in this crucial window of a girls self-esteem development, their teen years can be a brutal coming of age time where bullying at school and on social media sites are more and more common place.  Having a safe refuge away from facebook, parental pressures, boyfriends, temptations with drugs and alcohol…sometimes summer camp is the only place a girl can develop their strengths and sense of self in a non threatening environment.

For parents of a teen girl, here’s a few of my coaching tips for building a competent and confident surfer girl in and out of the water.

1.  Develop her passion – whether it be surfing, a hobby or academic subject, having a healthy outlet when she’s got boy problems, hormonal shifts, peer pressure, or stress, it’s vital to do what she loves.   Having something to focus on that brings joy into her life can defeat depression and low self- esteem. Becoming good at something she loves is the building blocks to confidence that brings more and more happiness and opportunities for success into her life. Even participate in her passion or hobby to show her you care for what she’s interested in.

2.  Encourage time spent in nature – Any time a girl can unplug from her iphone, tv, computer, is valuable time connecting with her
true self and feelings. It’s like pushing the reset button on your computer. It refreshes her to make solid decisions based on what her gut is saying and not what someone else wants for her. Developing a sense of inner peace through time spent alone in nature is a valuable tool to her success. Surfing is the perfect way to do this.

3.  Teach and model a healthy lifestyle, especially eating healthy. To be successful at surfing or any activity, a girl must fuel her body properly.  Our meals at our surf camp are the perfect fuel to our active days: fresh mangos, oatmeal, salads and sandwiches, quinoa and vegetables, burrito bar, Hawaiian food at our luau, among other healthful meals.

4.  Develop open communication with your teen girl.You don’t have to be her best friend and have her divulge her secrets to you, but make sure you are available frequently to listen and connect with her authentically. Despite her wanting to push you out of her life, give her lots of hugs and express that you are here for her no matter what. Unconditional love & a present parent can go a long way for a teen girl’s development.

I’m not a parent of a teen girl, but a mentor of many.  I’ve seen through the years that these tools above have been helpful with my own journey coming of age.  When I was a teenager into young adulthood, I struggled with low self esteem and depression.  If I didn’t have my surfboard and varsity sports growing up, I would’ve been miserable. Even growing up on the beautiful beaches of Maui, seemed to feel dulled by my depression.  There is something very invigorating, and biochemically uplifting to our brains and psyche’s when we spend time being active in nature, especially the cleansing power of the ocean.  It’s been my life mission to share the gift of surfing and our active Maui lifestyles with future generations of teen girls at our surf camps as well as families, couples, guys and girls of all walks of life at our surf school. Sometimes just one two hour surf lesson can plant a seed of confidence & invigoration to become more active in nature in ones daily life back home.

So what are you waiting for?
Let’s get our teen girls active by sending her to our surf camp or signing up for a surf lesson while you’re in Maui!

Pro surfer Melissa Proud & Anae at our surf camp